“Airing Out My Own Dirty Laundry” Pt.1

                                 2 Days ago I typed up a Facebook status,but then I decided to delete it not because I have anything to hide,because honestly I don’t. Now as the status had stated I have been smoking weed for well over 17 years to date,and I was struggling the other day I have cut back tremendously over the past 2 months,but I couldn’t fight the urge the other day…someone triggered a nerve so I gave in *sad face*

It’s a mental thing I never made sense of that statement,but now I totally get it I can do anything I put my mind to. That’s why it’s not good to let people get you to a point were you become angry…..don’t let people who do so little for you control so much of your emotions. I went from smoking 3 or more blunts a day to maybe 1 blunt a week (if that). In that same status I was also asking if anyone knew what I could do to fight off these bad headaches I’ve been getting from whining myself off,but I listened to that voice in my head that said,”those people don’t have the right answer for you,and most of them will use that to talk about and use against you,you know what to do”,so I did just that. I started talking to GOD,and asked him to take away this urge and taste I have for weed;it’s only been 3 days now,but I know I can do it. I got weed in here right now from 3 days ago and still haven’t touched so I know I don’t need it.

I got confirmation when I went to church that next night for Bible Study and my Pastor taught a lesson on “How To Overcome Worldliness” need I say more……yes I will because I highlighted something he said that I’ll like to share (the longer you stay away from it….the less you will have a desire for it)!!!!! So there was my answer I didn’t have to talk to no one,but GOD and he sent a confirmation answer through my Pastor himself. I know this to be true,because I am practicing it with another one of my struggles,and I’m doing a great job if I may say so myself. My sexual activity has been at a complete standstill for well over 2 months. I practiced abstinence at the beginning of this year calling myself saving myself for my ex when we made plans to get married,so I wanted to respect my “future husband” so much for that anyway now I’m doing for myself,because I respect myself and my future husband will also respect me for it *smile* I did it before so it’s no problem at all doing it again.

In all honesty sex is just that sex especially when you are not sharing it with the one you love,and currently there is no man but GOD that I am in love with so what’s the point. It’s no satisfaction in it,yes it pleases you and give you pleasure for that moment,but those feelings should match your heart and your love for that person. When those type of feelings arrive a man don’t even have to touch you to please you or make you feel pleasurable if you are a woman who needs to feel a touch from a man in order to feel special,wanted,and pleased I’m sorry sistah you need to do a whole lot of soul-searching,because clearly you’re lost!

I taught myself how to fall in love with myself I don’t need or want a man’s company to feel good about myself…..I Love me some Esha,although there are a few men out there who want to take me here & there and do this or that for me I reject the invitation if I even accept the call to listen to them talk. I’m just not interested in people,places,or things like I was a couple of months back,and I’m completely comfortable with that,because I have my inner peace. There was a time when I had to be out and about and to be seen to enjoy myself,but I prefer to be alone nowadays. I guess I am still learning me,and falling in love with myself more & more and day by day. Once you have identified yourself and become comfortable in your own skin others opinions,activity,and actions don’t validate who you are,what you do,or how you chose to react. It’s a learning plus healing process,and it starts by building a relationship with GOD through him ALL things are possible.


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